It's definitely the "Happy" everyone keeps throwing around that scares me the most!

I'll be the first to say I'm a creature of habit. I relish coming home to put on Big's worn out, perfectly broken in LSU tees, pj bottoms, sit down to a family dinner & catch up with the family. I'm like an impatient 2 year old... I want my same old dunkin donuts coffee every morning, the crazed rush to work and school, the "I love yous!" and "do you have your lunch money?" exclamations spoken hurriedly as I usher the kids out the door. I want my kids to be home safe when they're expected to, my dogs to come running when I pull in the drive, to hear from my husband at a certain time every night when he's on the road; and I look forward to my two best friends touching base with me at some time every day. I don't like a lot of surprises (gifts excluded, naturally) and I most assuredly don't handle shocks to the system well. I guess that's why 2010 was such a crap-hole (is that even a word? It is now!) of a year for me. I've been of the school of thought that I should toughen up, and not let all this out. Oh, well. That proverbial ship has sailed.

Change is hard. I should know.

All the "Happy New Years!" I'm enthusiastically greeted with are kind of creeping me out. Yes, I know people mean well. But why put all that added pressure on what I am already attempting to make a happier year? Get off my back, folks!

I hate to be the 'negative nelly' bearer of the cold hard truth, but it's my current conviction. I would be lesser of a person if I weren't honest. The cold hard truth is, it's not all going to be a 'happy' year...it most assuredly will not be 8,760 hours of pure unadulterated bliss.

What we call 'life' is going to happen. The inevitable. We try to push it away, keep the wolves at bay, but everyone of us will be touched by some not so happy times in 2011.  You will have the wind knocked out of your sails, you will experience heartache at some level, you will learn secrets you wish had remained buried. You will say goodbye to a person, a pet, a place, perhaps even a thing...and it will change you forever.

Does that mean that 2011 will be another year for the crapper record books? It depends on the individual. I'm not going to give you any of that "lemons=lemonade swill" because frankly I don't want to be told that. What I will give, free of course, (and keep in mind you get what you pay for) is how I have handled and am going to handle this blank slate, or tabula rasa, of days yet to be seen.

I keep saying I'm not going to make a true new years resolution, that I'm just going to let whatever happens happen. But I can't do that. I've got to be proactive. I've got to take the bull by the horns and realize that my reaction to what life throws at me is even more significant than what I am going through. That my attitude will be my best friend or my worst enemy, and only I can control it. Only me. It will not be easy, fair, or fun at all times. But whoever believes that life is roses, green grass, fairies and rainbows 24/7 is  probably on some seriously heavy medication.

What can I do? What can we all do? Simple. We've just got to keep going. If you have something or like myself, multiple things, you seriously need to just let go once and for all, then there is no time like the present. Maybe you can have some kind of ceremony, maybe do a visualization exercise, maybe see a shrink, go to whatever support it is where you know you can share your burdens and not feel pitied or condemmed. It's not up to me or anyone else to tell you the exact thing that is best for you, because nobody appointed me or any other human judge or general manager of the universe.

What else can we put into practice? Aside from the socially acceptable manners of finding solace, such as calling your most trusted confidant, genuinely telling your parents what's going on with you, having a good cry-fest, doing something to distract yourself like reading, watching a movie, or playing with your kids.

Although it's extremely private and almost painful to share, I'll tell you what I've done and what I will continue to do, when life and all it's ills are pressing down on me so hard I feel the breath being pressed out of me. I did, and do practice all the things I have mentioned prior. But I also sat down one day and wrote this little list on a scratch piece of paper...of things that I loved the most about the person & pet I lost in 2010, and my top three happiest times I shared with them. It's elementary, I know. But it sure helped me to focus when I thought I couldn't find one single reason to smile, much less wish others happiness. 

Perhaps what helps me will help you a little also, as we face this new year, we can fill it with positivity or mire it down with the negative.

I guess now I've figured out my new years resolution, after all. I will do everything in my humble, metered power to look at the 'happy' as just that. Happy.