Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I'm a good daughter, now that I'm a grown up & living on my own!

Why did I ever act like such an adolescent idiot, not believing that my Dad truly had my best interests at heart? I was chasing one fun time to the next, not giving any thought to what the future held, what my parents expected of me, not thinking that our good family name  was also on my shoulders to uphold. I was a teenager, holding out for that teenage feeling.

My Dad has always given me loving advice. Even though he is a man who speaks very little, and uses his words with great economy, he is one of those people who can say more with ten words than most can say in two hundred. And don't even get me started on his facial expressions. If you're lucky enough to have had a 'Daddy' like mine, you know what I mean. He can give you a look that will stop you in your tracks. He was tough, set high standards, and accepted no less than the very best you had to give. My Father was judged many times in my younger days, when he was searching for answers that conventional religions couldn't give him, yet he never waivered in his belief that God loved him, and he firmly knew that God had a church home for him and his family. He was ridiculed for things that were out of his control. He was lied to and about, and swallowed his pride more times than I can count. Now as an adult I can imagine how extremely difficult he must have had it at times, while the five of us were growing up, but you never heard him complain. He knew his place as the head of our family, and he was an exemplary model as a father, a teacher, a preacher, and a loving, compassionate person, whom still to this day gives to strangers of both his time and monetary assets.

What I like to think about sometimes when I am driving are all the things my Dad used to, and still does say to me. What I call my "Daddy quotes" in my mind.

When I was maybe 12 or 13 I went through that awkward adolescent phase that all teens do. I was obsessed with my looks, clothes, & being accepted. I caught my Dad by the arm one day as he was headed out to ride horses with some of his church friends. I began, "Daddy, am I pretty? Daddy, am I a tomboy? Daddy, do I even look like a girl? Daddy, do you think a boy will ever think I'm pretty?" What I now am certain was a rushed time for him, as his buddies were outside waiting, he still took the time to sit down by me and have a talk with me. What he told me was so true, for every woman in every nation. He began in his trademark patient voice, "Trin. You are pretty. You are a beautiful girl, with your long dark hair, sparkly eyes, and constant smile. But, Trin, that's NOT what's important. The thing you need to remember is this, "Pretty is as Pretty does. And I don't want you worried about the wrong type of pretty, baby." Then he hugged me, walked out of the house and went on his trail ride. Not kidding with you, I was totally confused at this seemingly odd tidbit of wisdom at the time he shared it with me. But I got it, eventually. He was saying it doesn't matter if you're Miss America, if you have a mean spirit and an ice cold heart. He was telling me that pretty, or true beauty, rather, comes from the way you treat others. The amount of love, compassion, understanding, forgiveness and patience you give to others. What he meant was, bending down to be in a position of servitude for someone in need makes you a thousand times more prettier than any crown, and it's a lot more fulfilling.

I for years have told Moon this. I also tell her that what counts is the 'diamonds on the inside' she possesses, not the 'things' she has to show off to her friends.

My Dad had a saying that he got from his Dad, my "Papaw BB" that we all still laugh and reminisce about. When you were saying goodbye to BB he'd always say, "Now if it rains, just let it rain." Now that I'm more emotionally mature and wiser to the ways of the world, I know what Papaw BB and my Daddy mean when they said or say that phrase. It's parlaying the message, "Look, don't worry about what you can't control. Rain is going to fall sometimes, and we just have to appreciate that fact. We will see the rainbow, if we are still and wait for the rain to pass."

My Dad used to also talk to me about when I was mad at someone and wanted revenge. He would tell me that God promises us he will get vengeance, in his time. That was, and has been a very hard pill to swallow at times, no matter my age. Dad told me recently that by continuing to plot revenge, a way to 'give someone what they deserve" is a failure to trust that God loves me. Dad taught me that by planning to take things into my own hands, I wasn't believing God nor was I having faith that God would follow through with His promise. When we had this same old revenge discussion recently, we were standing in the horse barn saddling up some geldings. Dad told me what he always has, "a year to you is a second to God.You've got to stop acting like you know better than Him what should happen in this world, His world, that he created, and that He loved you enough to give you a life here, to share in it's miraculous beauty and bounty."

There are a thousand things I could write that my wonderful, amazing father has taught me. About trust, life, love, acceptance, and where to always go when you seek true wisdom from the one whose in control of it all.  He definitely has taught me more about patience than I ever thought my English pea sized brain could handle.

The one I want to leave you with is one of the most recent things he told me, that was one of the most profound things he'd ever shared with me, and touched me to my very core. We were in the barn looking out into the pasture after we'd just let the horses out of their stalls for the evening. I started asking Dad why did he think I only got to have two babies? Why didn't God think I was a good enough Mom to have more kids? That to me it was so unfair that the opportunity got ripped away from me before I even had a chance to protest.

We stopped feeding the horses their apple slice treats, and Dad turned & looked at me very seriously. "Trin, you have Mark & Moon, and I know how you love them. But I also know you've always wanted another baby. Well, Trin, you have had Jake living with yahll about a year now, raising him as your own, practically, right?" I shook my head, "Yes, Daddy, that is all true." "Well," he began, "don't you love Jake the same way you love Mark & Moon?" "Of course, Dad! That's a silly question. I show no partiality between those three! I love Jake very much."  "Well, there you go. God answered your prayer for another child, He just didn't deliver it in the package you were expecting."

Thank you, Father God, for Mark, Moon, & Jake. Thank you so very much. I am sorry I ever doubted your love for me, questioned your desire for us to have another child. Father God, please forgive my impatience. Thank you for trusting me & loving me enough to be in their lives. Amen.

4 comments:

  1. Your daddy sounds so much like mine.... Love you girl... Love the blogs.... chelly bean....

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  2. He's right: God did answer you.

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  3. You are one lucky girl to have such a great Dad.

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  4. Love this one... Diane

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