So....I'm a can of Campbells?

I by no means hold myself up as the pinnacle of politically correct decorum & behavior. I make mistakes, I offend people, & I've been known to put my foot in my mouth. I try not to, I try to meter every word before it comes out of my mouth, however some days my social filter just fails to show up for duty. And it doesn't help that my DNA code has "speaks her mind" woven into every single strand.

One thing I have seriously contemplated recently is the way we label one another. Be it strangers, friends, colleagues, family, or even pets. We brand someone based on their behavior and habits, we use our perceptions & opinions, possibly even what we have heard about them, to quantify their behavior, and label them. 

This labeling thing is becoming a pet peeve of mine. Sometimes it can be funny, when spoken in jest, but we all know there is a hint of seriousness every time someone says, "Oh, I didn't mean any harm! I was just joking!!" It especially sets my bones to boiling when someone throws around a serious diagnoses when they don't even know what they're speaking of. In my opinion if you haven't gotten the degree that states you are certified to diagnose someone, then keep your mouth S H U T.

I am guilty of labeling, no doubt. I am not sitting on top of the mountain pointing fingers, looking down my nose at the social cretins. By no means am I innocent of the charge. Until it began to touch me personally, and I reached a level of self actualization that allowed me to see this petty behavior in myself, I went along with the crowd. I didn't see anythig wrong with it. However, a person whom has been a big part of my life has changed my entire perception of labeling, it's unfairness, and how it can deeply emotionally scar someone, especially a child.

Let me tell you about my 'other son' Jacob. He is the son of my oldest friend, Julie & her husband Johnothan. When the boys were not quite two, Julie, Jacob, myself & my son Mark lived together as roommates. We were both broke single moms, going to school during the day and waiting tables @ night, trying to make something of ourselves, talking daily about how we would make our sons proud. Even though they are only a few months apart, Jake & Mark were & still are polar opposites. Jake wanted to watch TV, found extreme comfort in repetition and habit, and did more observing than talking. He was always a fantastic child, so easy to babysit, quiet, and as he grew he could discuss certian subjects with you as if he were an adult. He can quote you more correct football stats than any grown man I have ever encountered. He likes to talk about left brained things. Numbers, figures, angles, planes and statistics. That's just our Jake, that's him.

Jacob went through some trying times, along with his Mom, before he was diagnosed with Aspbergers. (google it). He is extremely smart, it doesn't affect his linguistic patterns or cognitive development, it affects his ability to interact socially. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him, it just means that's the way God made our amazing Jacob.

I can remember once when Julie, Jacob, Mark & myself were in Wal Mart together. We were all standing at the checkout, Julie was swiping her debit card. As I mentioned Jacob likes to quote statistics and he & I were talking about baseball. You could tell from the way he was speaking that he was different, more advanced mathematically than toddlers his age. The brainless wal mart cashier stops scanning, wrinkles her nose, and asks, "What is he?" I grabbed Julie's arm, afraid she was going to jump on that converyor belt and beat this insensitive, judgemental idiot senseless. But Julie's reaction shocked me. She shook my hand off her arm, replied steadily and with utmost grace, "Excuse me? Did you just ask me WHAT is he? He is A LITTLE BOY, he is MY SON JACOB." As she spoke, she smiled the smile that only sweet, justifiable victory can bring. We got our bags and left, & we've never spoken of it again, even these 12 or so years later--until today, when I asked her permission to write this blog. She must trust me a lot, to allow me to write about her son and not screw it up. (Thank you for allowing & entrusting me to write about Jake, Julie.)

Recently someone posted as their facebook status, "If you don't think I'm funny, then you
must have Aspbergers." I was livid. When Julie called me, she was so upset, also. In what way was that status cool or likeable? Did this person think they were actually funny????

Jake has no control over the hand life dealt him, yet he has made a great life for himself. He is a good athelete, a good student, and most of all an amazing young man. I LOVE talking to Jacob. You wouldn't even know he has been diagnosed until he tells you. And to see him with his sister, 14 years younger than him, is breathtaking. He has broken down all the typical boundaries & characteristics that normally occur in someone with his diagnoses when it comes to emotional boundaries & empathy. He loves Riley fiercely & will protect her with his life.

There is another incident that occured recently, that definitely reinforced my belief that we should cut back on the labeling. I was sitting around with two good friends, and one of them has been diagnosed as bipolar, but the only person she told was me. The other friend in the conversation had no idea, because the one who has bipolar takes her medicines, sees her doctor, leads a successful life, never been institutionalized, or any other hallmarks of a person who has been diagnosed with a mental illness. One of the girls was steadily talking about people, throwing the terms around loosely. "Oh no that lady is so stupid, she is totally bipolar. She can't do anythig right, she jumps from nice to mean to happy, she's just so crazy she may be tri-polar." I was inwardly cringing as I glanced surreptitiously at my other friend, who had her best game face on. She just smiled, and I changed the subject because I was so uncomfortable for her. Later the friend cried to me about what had been said. She says that's why she can't tell anyone, because everyone uses the term so negatively & is quick to judge you by your diagnoses, rather than your actions. I can see clearly now her point. That's also why I'll never again in my life say someone 'suffers' from a mental illness, and I'll watch my words entirely more closely. We all should, because you never know what's going on in someone else's life, and don't think for a second you can predict your future. You never know what's going to happen in your own life, that you wouldn't want to be categorized unfairly for.

In my opinion, we should all back up and punt when it comes to this labeling thing, because we don't have to do it. If we accepted people with more open mindedness, took more time to form our own opinions, and stop repeatedly compartmentalizing everyone, we could all score touchdowns in our everyday interactions, if we all just call, no accept, one another as what we all are...........human.