BIG SALE on KIDS! NO RETURNS ALLOWED!

I don't have any prophetic words of wisdom for tonights blog. It's been crazy the last few days and I just don't have it in me to try to learn any lessons from this weekend, other than I must have given my parents pure hell, because I am getting it back in spades from my daughter Moon. Maybe I can blame this on her Dad. Yeah, that builds my confidence. I'll blame it on his dna. Either way, I'll just take my hits and keep on rolling..... give y'all a reason to hug your kids who have social filters and always ignore the white elephant in the room.

Friday began as a different kind of day in our home. Mark was gone to Oklahoma with my Dad & my brother Tate, and Moon & Jake seem to have taken this chest cold crud that's going around, so I let them stay home with me. I had a day off that I had been looking forward to for weeks. Well as situations often do, it turned out I had a true work emergency and had to go into work for a few hours. Moon and myself were already in Jackson, going to redeem the gift cards she had gotten for Christmas. (Speaking of that, whomever gives her build a bear gift ever again is taking her to redeem it. I'm DONE with the Build a bear experience. After having her stuff a total of 11 animals in her life, I've seen enough of the inside of that place!)

Anyway...back to the work part of Friday. We were in one of my highest volume, heaviest traffic and highest square footage stores. Just about every employee on the payroll was there. Moon was sitting playing her DSI in a corner behind the register while I was trying to handle massive work chaos. I was being very pc to my people, empathizing with their situations, smiling, nodding appropriately, trying my best to show I care. Moon was still sitting in the corner minding her own business. About this time one of my best employees walks up to Moon and starts talking to her. "Moon, you're so cute! You are just too cute for words! I bet you are real smart, too!" Moon doesn't even look up, or in any way acknowledge that someone is speaking to her. I try to make up for it, and make Moon acknowledge the compliment, trying to soothe things over in what was quickly becoming an awkward situation. "Oh, she's just wrapped up in that Nintendo, girl. She can't even hear us, she's wrapped up in her game so deeply, ha ha, (insert my nervous laugh here). About this time there are a few more employees standing around, extolling the virtues of Moon's cuteness. Well the queen of melodrama, my child, decides THIS is the time to speak. She slips the stylus back into the ds case, and with utmost sincerity she begins, "You people don't have to like me. My Mama is not going to give you more money because you know I'm cute. Trust me, you're not the first of my mom's workers to tell me I'm cute. And you know my mom is nice to you on the phone when you call the house? Well she calls you all whiny babies after she hangs up with you. Mama says, "Those people make me crazy, they call me for the silliest decisions and choices that they know they can make on their own!!! Yeah she gripes A LOT when y'all call her for stupid stuff. She tells me all about it." And as she says this, her face is total sincerity and deadpan, with no care that she could be tearing down work relationships it has taken me years to build. I got a very defiant look on my face, "Now Moon, you know that is simply not true. I care about all my team members!" She looked nonplussed, "well it sure doesn't sound like it when you call them idiots & lazy all the time." There was no use in trying to salvage the situation. I nervously laughed and said, "OK I think my work here is done, I think we'll be going now."

Fast forward to Northpark Mall. We stopped at a kiosk ran by a small built, very friendly man of Indian descent. I ask him could he please help me find a cover for my phone. He tells me he doesn't have any in stock, and he begins to check on his laptop. I wasn't looking at the man, just staring at the shiny phone covers on display, my mind a million miles away. I wish now I'd been watching Moon for her tell tale signs that the truth was about to be told. All of a sudden Moon looks at the man, points at him, and rather excitedly says, "OH MAN! OH DUDE! Do you know you've got six fingers on your hand? That is W-I-L-D!" I grasped her arm an exclaimed, "CHARLSIE GRACE WILSON! YOU HUSH YOUR MOUTH THIS INSTANT!" She's not phased. She completely ignores me, and says to the man, "Dude you've got a thumb growing out of your thumb!!! I bet you can get on the Internet really fast. Click click click click click click! Just click on the Internet real real fast!" At that point I could've qualified for child abuse. I tightened my grasp on her arm and pulled her forcibly away from the kiosk. We ran away so fast from that kiosk that a security guard actually stopped and asked if we were okay. I stammered some excuse  about hurrying to the bathroom and I gave Moon a look that said 'if you speak right now so help me God I will duct tape your mouth shut!' I exited the mall at the complete opposite end and walked four miles to get to the car, just to avoid going by that man's kiosk again. Lord, give me strength, I kept thinking.

Moon was trying to find someone to play wii with her tonight. Mark comes in the living room and asks Moon if she' like him to play with her. She never takes her eyes off the tv screen and tells her brother, "What? Are you crazy? Why woul i want to play with you? You cant even beat level one, dude. You're uselesss as a wii opponent.

Well today it rained lightly but steadily all day. I was cleaning up the kitchen after we'd had my mom's birthday lunch. I hear something going on in my bathroom, that sounds funny; and I can hear Moon talking to herself. I walk in to find she has both her knee high rubber boots...wait for it...in the toilet.  With a butter knife, scraping the soles of them. Now truth be told, as I stood there and shook my head, I could not wait to hear this story. I asked, "Moon, may i ask what you are doing?" "Well, what does it look like?" She replied with more than a hint of disdain for my interrupting her work. I closed my eyes, pressed my palms hard into my eye sockets as I counted to ten. l, l,
"Moon, may I ask WHY you felt the need to wash your rubber boots in the toilet?" She stops, turns to look at me, and exhales like it's a chore she has to inform me what is going on. "Mom, I'm cleaning them. I stepped in dog crap out in the yard. I'm trying to get the dog crap off. And where else does crap go, but down the toilet?"

How can I argue with THAT logic???